A Mother And A Teacher

A tribute to my best friend’s mother, a woman who showed us how to live

Dear Nicky & Jojo,

Your mom was a woman from another time, another era. A lady. Classic and elegant. A matriarch.  The most beautiful.

She made us feel special. She saw things in us we didn’t see in ourselves-our true colors. Visiting your home was as much about seeing her as it was about seeing you.

Your mom loved us-all of us who grew up in your home. And we loved her.

When I think of her, carpool is the first thought that comes to mind. The white truck, her robe, her coffee, Howard Stern on the radio. These memories are etched inside me. I loved sitting in the front (when Jo would let me) and asking her questions. We had many great talks.

I miss our talks.

She lived life just as she wanted. She laughed out loud. She loved music. She felt music. She paid attention to lyrics, and she quoted them. She danced.

Your mom lived joyously.

On our family trips, I would get a little nervous as she and my dad would argue about some topic. I would try and smooth it over. But your mom loved these discussions. She was not one to shy away.

Your mom could battle with the best of them.

We often talked about basketball. The only person in the world I could talk to about basketball one moment and then get her aesthetic opinion the next. She loved design but didn’t like trends. Rooms needed to feel nice, not just look nice.  She taught me about the importance of great sheets and comfortable beds, and to always make sure the hotel gives you the room with the view and a bathtub. And if they don’t, you let them know about it.

Your mom is an inspiration.

She knew how to create a home and make it welcoming for everyone. It looked beautiful and felt warm because that’s who she was, Scapa Momma, and her home was an extension of her. She was the queen of cozy and comfort. Her taste was timeless, and so was she.

I will miss her humility.

She loved food. Watching your parents fight over food was the best. Your dad would eat her food if she didn’t eat fast enough. But she didn’t let him rush her. Barb took her time. She moved slowly and with ease, but somehow managed to get it all done.

Your mom lived gracefully.

Your parents were the dream couple. A classic couple. High school sweethearts. They had the greatest times together. They built a life, a family, a community, a legacy.

Barb and Jeff are what we all wish for.

She was a great judge of quality, and quality of character.  She saw the best in us, and brought out the best in us. She was present in every sense of the word. When we were around her, we wanted to look and be our best.

I know I did.

Your mom is a role model. A person to study, on how to live.  She kept it simple and glamorous. She understood what truly matters. Family and Friends. And she cared for those she held dear, like one of her own. And for those she didn’t care much for, I feel bad for them. They didn’t get the gift of her light shining on them.

I got to experience her light shining on me, and for that I’m the luckiest.

Every birthday, I could count on Barbera’s beautiful messages. She would send me funny photos of Gaia. She was proud of her growing family. She would remind me of our talks. On my last birthday, she reminded me of her and me at the Carlyle in New York, sipping tea in the summer of ‘98.

Your mom was soulful, and I will cherish her forever.

I’m heartbroken for you and for Jeff. For Gloria, for Julian, Nile and Gaia. For Nisha and Glauco. For soon-to-be baby girl Scapa and for the entire Scapa and Schimmel family.  For all her friends and for her community. For those who were yet to meet her.  I’m heartbroken for me. I envisioned her in my future, and I’m sad for all the times we won’t get to have.

The world feels darker without her.

Nick and Jo. Your Mom came here for a short time. Maybe, to be a mom. In many ways, she was a mother to all of us. Not just to the kids who grew up in your home.  A mother, a lover, and our teacher. She loved hard. And she taught not just by telling us, although she did that too, but by showing us.

Simply, to be present, to live for others, to celebrate life together.

I love your mom and will always keep her in my heart.

Love,

Roy

P.S. The lyrics to this song encapsulate some of the life lessons I learned from your mom. Lessons I hope to better integrate into my life. The elegance of simplicity, following your heart, and living slow.

“Be a simple kind of man, be something you love and understand.”

“Follow your heart and nothing else.”